Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Summer Haiku
By Don Iannone

1
tiny butterfly
...floating in perfectly thin air
......making my heart jump

2
cherry blossoms open
...a new tomorrow is born
......blessing every moment

3
woodpecker alone
...drumming a new awakening
......suddenly I'm free

27 comments:

samuru999 said...

Stunning and beautiful.
So very peaceful.
I love to come here and be
amazed by the beauty of your poetry.
Thank you!

Don Iannone said...

Samuru99...thank you for the kind words. Words spoken through me...that is the best way to see them, and words spoken through all of us...

Travis Jay Morgan said...

Don, on these haiku, I have a few suggestions for improvement if you don't mind my saying...

- Try not to include yourself in the haiku.

- And if at all possible, try to keep metaphors to a minimal in haiku. The 2nd and third lines of your second haiku are both metaphors.

- A "satori" in the last line of a haiku gives it a nice punch.

On the first and third haiku, their 2nd line has one too many syllables.

My attempt on the first haiku would be something like so:

tiny butterfly
flutters to its own heart beat
coloring the air

Though I would even consider modifing the last line further "coloring the air" as it is a metaphor.

An overuse of metaphors in haiku can take away from the haiku natural simplistic form. They are not like western poetry which relies heavily on metaphors and similes. They simply show a single moment in time and nature. Sometimes a onamatopoeia gives the haiku a little boost.

Sorry, I always get carried away on haiku!

Dan said...

As always, Ahhhhh.....!!!!

Don Iannone said...

Travis,

Thanks for the insights and guidance. I will work on the haiku. It's not my usual formless form. I don't always hold to the 5-7-5 form of haiku. I'm afraid I've westernized haiku. In a strict sense you're right about the form and content.

Don Iannone said...

Thanks Dan, Hope you're well.

Travis Jay Morgan said...

Thank you for listening.

Don Iannone said...

Sure thing Travis. Advice from others always welcome here.

You will have to tell me about your time in East Asia. Seems it's influenced you deeply...

Blessings!

Gangadhar said...

just wonderful,i can say,Don..
And Don,how's you? You're one of my family members...just go and visit my blog for details..
thank you..

Don Iannone said...

Gangadhar...Just visited your blog. And thank you for fostering connectivity among so many souls worldwide, Namaste.

Travis Jay Morgan said...

I lived in Okinawa, Japan for about four years and fell in love with it. Although, before even going there I had studied eastern philosophy and cultures.

This August, I'm going to Okinawa again for vacation and to visit my inlaws with my family. I absolutely love Okinawa.

Don Iannone said...

Travis...wonderful! Just the thing. I hope you have a wonderful time and will await the poetry that arises while you're there. Thanks for sharing.

Frida said...

You must have a better view from out your window. I have interstate out mine. So here goes.

Concrete hums faster
Rusty metal blurred curves go by
Get up join the race

Stacey said...

I love the images your words convey. I can see the cherry blossoms so vividly in my mind.

Don Iannone said...

Hey Stacey...good to have you back. Thanks. If I could paint, maybe I wouldn't write...

Don Iannone said...

Hey Stacey...good to have you back. Thanks. If I could paint, maybe I wouldn't write...

Don Iannone said...

Hey Frida...Thanks. Nice imagery. Keep writing...And may you see more than concrete and metal in your day.

Poetry by Kai said...

very lovely

Homo Escapeons said...

What a sweet, kind, man you are Don.
If somebody told me how to write or right my posts I'd tell them to take a haiku!
Never realised that even the simple joy of writing poetry can be micro-managed to within an angstrom of acceptable authenticity.
My word!

Don Iannone said...

Thanks Kai.

Thanks Homo Escapeons. Not to worry. I'm always open to suggestions. Poetry is a joy. There are forms that one can follow. Haiku is a relatively new one for me. I'm not rigid about form because our true natue as human beings is "formless." We are process and flow and shared consciousness. We are one.

Frida said...

Don,

I love the pulse of the city. It is crowded, noisy like a lullaby sung off key. It moves with vibrancy, electric as the neon. It appeals to the affection I have for extremes. A solitary tree against steel or the rush traffic as I sit placid sipping my coffee.
Sleek, shining like destruction. Pocket revolutionaries wanting to save the trees while they pass out paper fliers that are tossed on the ground.

Your fortress of solitude has such an awesome beauty but so does my concrete jungle.

Don Iannone said...

Beautifully said Frida. There is beauty and wonder and so much more in the city.

Go to my economics journal and see the posts in the last week about cities. Images and poems about cities:

www.don-iannone.com/edfutures

Thanks for stopping by.

Frida said...

Do you sleep?

Don Iannone said...

Frida...I do, and you? LOL

Frida said...

Not much usually. About four hours.
It looks like we are the only ones awake so keep your voice down. Haha

Anil P said...

Summers are like that. To feel the sun on your back is to feel pally with the shine of a new promise that only a summer can deliver.

Anonymous said...

anil

thank you. so right.

don

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