When the Security Alarm Calls Your Name
By Don Iannone
Wednesday 4:16 AM.
Security alarm screeches out in the night.
Hearts jump out of our chests.
Cats streak out of the bedroom.
Confusion and terror all at once.
Groping for the light.
Fumbling to turn off the alarm,
but not too quickly in case...
there is a real threat.
Alarm panel flashes "PHONE."
Phone? What the hell?
Oh, the phone must not be working,
and the security system ties into the phone line.
Check the phone.
Dead as a door nail.
Call security company...on the cell phone, because
the regular phone line is...dead.
Security people conclude the obvious:
Sir, your phone line isn't working.
Don't you love experts?
Ok Ma'm, so how do we shut off this blaring alarm?
Sir, power down the system.
What? How do I do that?
Go to the basement, and
I will instruct you on the procedure.
Ma'm, I know nothing of these things.
I think, but don't say:
Fixing things skips generations in my family.
And guess what? It skipped me.
Alarm still blaring...
obviously the neighbors hate our guts
for our alarm awakening them two hours early.
Standing in my bathrobe,
with my Albert Einstein morning hair,
I succeed in powering down the alarm system.
Finally it's quiet.
The cats are nowhere to be found for two hours.
I look everywhere.
How do they know how to hide so well?
Must be genetic, like my lack of mechanical aptitude.
An unexpected spiritual moment overtakes me...
Live in the moment...that's what your alarm in telling you.
I think...shit. I just want my coffee.