Wednesday, November 29, 2006

When the Security Alarm Calls Your Name
By Don Iannone

Wednesday 4:16 AM.
Security alarm screeches out in the night.
Hearts jump out of our chests.
Cats streak out of the bedroom.
Confusion and terror all at once.
Groping for the light.
Fumbling to turn off the alarm,
but not too quickly in case...
there is a real threat.
Alarm panel flashes "PHONE."
Phone? What the hell?
Oh, the phone must not be working,
and the security system ties into the phone line.
Check the phone.
Checking...
Dead as a door nail.
Call security company...on the cell phone, because
the regular phone line is...dead.
Security people conclude the obvious:
Sir, your phone line isn't working.
Duh!
Don't you love experts?
Ok Ma'm, so how do we shut off this blaring alarm?
Sir, power down the system.
What? How do I do that?
Go to the basement, and
I will instruct you on the procedure.
Procedure?
Ma'm, I know nothing of these things.
I think, but don't say:
Fixing things skips generations in my family.
And guess what? It skipped me.
Alarm still blaring...
obviously the neighbors hate our guts
for our alarm awakening them two hours early.
Standing in my bathrobe,
with my Albert Einstein morning hair,
I succeed in powering down the alarm system.
Finally it's quiet.
The cats are nowhere to be found for two hours.
I look everywhere.
How do they know how to hide so well?
Must be genetic, like my lack of mechanical aptitude.
An unexpected spiritual moment overtakes me...
Live in the moment...that's what your alarm in telling you.
I think...shit. I just want my coffee.

9 comments:

samuru999 said...

Hahaha!
That was really good!
loved it!
Too funny!
Albert Einstein hair! haha!
All that noise, scared cats, mad neighbors...not a fun way to start the day, but it's very humourous here in your poem!
And, do you think you now have some
mechanical aptitude?
Thanks for the chuckle Don!

Margie

Dan said...

your Albert Einstein morning hair...

GEL said...

"Albert Einstein" hair - OMG I am teased by my daughter about my hair even when our security system doesn't go off. Also, I never imagined you emitting a "cuss" word. You just became more human to me in this post!

(I feel for you about alarms and noise. The first time ours went off was my error. Then I punched the code way too quickly and didn't know I had to slow down. Meanwhile, blaring all around but it was daytime.)

trinitystar said...

hmmmmmm yes one's imagination can run riot with this one Don and the prospects of seeing you in your dressing gown with Albert Einstein hair. All hell letting loose ... you gave them a run for their money ... you deserve a cup of coffee. Well done!
hugs for you :o)

Angela said...

love it! the irony is that the poem is quite entertaining, despite the fact that the situation was not!

polona said...

wow, don, this is great stuff, so funny and well presented.
lol!
guess you really deserved your coffee :)

jel said...

Q? is did you get your coffee? :)

Kathleen said...

LOL.... I'll be the coffe was really good!

I'm with everyone else on the Albert Einstien like hair... photo post...? please..!!!!! :)

Don Iannone said...

Thanks everyone. Glad you enjoyed this poem. After the events this morning, I wasn't sure I could find a poem inside me, but I decided to make lemon aide with the lemons I had, and so...

Einstein hair picture? Well, we shall see about that one...Stay tuned!

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