Put a little humor in your tank

Tell me...do any of these observations ring true in your life?

1. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
2. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
3. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
4. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
8. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
9. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
10. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
11. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
12. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
13. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
14. We cannot change the direction of the wind...but we can adjust our sails.
15. Some days are a total waste of makeup.
16. Do you believe in love at first sight ... or should I walk by you again?
17. If the shoe fits......buy it in every colour.
18. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
19. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
20. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
21. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
22. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
23. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
24. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
25. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
26. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
27. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
28. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
29. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
30. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
31. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
32. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
33. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Source: Tell Me a Joke