How to Annoy People...

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.

Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender)

In the memo field of your paychecks, write "For Sexual Favors".

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten off their caffine addictions, switch to espresso.

Send e-mail to the rest of your company to tell them what you are doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Suggest that the Coke machine is filled with beer.

Encourage your colleagues to join in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Determine how many cups of coffee are "to many".

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your cars windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.

Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

Dont use any punctuation

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go".

Sing along at the opera.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.

For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel. If no one notices, ditch the snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.

TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets

Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin.

When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Speak only in a "robot" voice.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

Sniffle incessantly.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for violating your airspace."

Source: DGS Hermits Idiosyncratic Realm of Solitude.